Hesitation

70% sure that I'm leaving soon;
30% hope & hesitation that something will change and good things will happen.

I want to escape...

Perth! Meet you soon!

Public holiday

When public holiday is no longer holiday, are people still the people you knew?

It's very easy to get me upset recently, yes, very easy! About friends, about family, about study, about the gossip around...

Things change, people change, but what changes even faster is the mind! When mind changes, eveything will change!

I hope the things I love will remain the same, but I'm a little scard that, I'm beginning to lose something very important...

Thanksgiving

It is Thanksgiving Day today, and I only realised it this moment!

I want to thank my parents for what they have done for me!
I wanna thank my friends for keeping me company throughout the time abroad!
I wanna thank my best friends, for always forgiving me whatever mistake I have made, and being there for me, always!

Every thanksgiving is a point of time, when you can truly reflect about yourself. Have you been nice to the people around you? Is there anything that you need to change in order to be the person you always want to be?

For me, I want to be more frank with myself, and exclude all the hypocrisy around me!
Work hard for it!

我想认认真真的生活，学习，去除身边一切的虚伪与不现实，用自己的努力，争取一个属于自己的未来！

2012

如果世界末日真的要来了，有谁会真正对自己至此的生命无悔？

对自己爱的人，说过爱了吗？
对自己的学习，认真的付出过了吗？
对自己的生活，真正的享受过了吗？
对自己身边的人，留下一丝能让他们在来生能够记住你的地方了吗？

2012，我们该怎么度过？

我突然间感到，生命如此脆弱，纵然有那股追求生命的动力与魄力，又有几人能够幸免于难？而我们，有几个会是所谓的英雄？

享受此刻，认真生活，这样，无论什么时候，我们都可以安静的走，without any fear.

Tired

I'm so tired. Tired of study, tired of Toastmasters, even tired of some friends...

Maturity

I have said this before, I'm very emotional, and easily to get touched.

Yes, this is me. And I just had tears in my eyes, because he's growing up, and maturing.

Income tax

Justed finished my Income Tax final exam, and I don't feel good now.

I'm kind of convinced that, I don't have any gift for Accounting profession. Yes, I tried, I tried my best, but I still couldn't do it. It's just killing me!

IELTS Results

As shown in the attached picture!

I just wonder, how could I get a score of 8 in reading while I didn't even understand the last article?! How could I get a score of 6.5 in writing while I got 700 for SAT Writing, and I felt that I wrote pretty well? Listening score is better than what expected, while Speaking is wrose, but both of them are acceptable.

OK! I'm done! Now, i can apply for my visa and prepare to go for my EXCHANGEEEEE!
HAHA!

Champion

I went to LW's club, and I was shocked.

1. I didn't dress properly due to my laziness to dress formally in a study week. When I saw all the black-and-white, I felt uncomfortable immediately.

2. So many experienced speakers! The President & VPE have done such a wonderful job to invite so many guests to their meeting.

3. President - star of the night: I believe that LW is not an attention seeker, but he just does everything so well that he is the star of the night! I remember that he said, "You can continue to be the VPE for next year, and until you graduate", even though we laughed over it, but I would say, I'm willing to take on another term of office if I work with you. Yes, I really do!

I believe that every President's opening address should be educational, or at least bring a message to the members. Otherwise, why should we listen to you, just because you are the president? The title of president serves nothing more than an organizer, and respect from the members does not come with it. It needs efforts! And in Zhenghua CC Toastmasters, I can see the invisible efforts!

4. The energy of young people: In this meeting, only few of us are under the age of 25, and we are the ones who would laugh out loudly, or at least who would laugh over a joke. The so called "audlts" don't do so as we do. I remember last time, we were talking about the "adult" clubs, that they are not as fun as a student club. Nathaniel was talking seriously to us, "The 'audlts' doesn't mean that they are not fun. Fun has nothing to do with age." HAHA. OK, but I can feel the difference.

5. One funny moment: we were talking so "highly" over Jasmine's relationship on the train on our way back home, and didn't notice that a lady was listening to us. Suddenly, I noticed that she was laughing with us, "HI", I said.

6. Self-reflection: I was very down after I went home, because I felt that there were so many things lacking in me. I don't speak good English; my vocabulary is not large enough; My english has little vocal variety; I don't have wide knowledge of what's happening in the world... How long will it take me to make up for that?

I don't even have the courage to think about it, because it will take me donkey's ears. But what drives me not to give up? I think it's the belief in myself!

LW said, "You are always the champion in someone's eyes! You are the champion in your friends' eyes if you are the one whom they would turn to! You are the champion in your own eyes if you are doing the best all the time!"

This morning, I was thinking that, if i go back to China with my current english level, it's considered as good or even excellent. But how about if i go to US? I guess even a 10-year child would have larger vocabulary than I do. So what's my choice?

And I choose to continue my journey, even the journey ahead is filled with obstacles, difficulties, I wouldn't give up easily! Because I'm doing my best all the time, even though the results may not be good in other people's eyes, I'm satisfied. And I don't regret!

"If nobody see you as a champion, I will!" Yes, I will! My friends, I see myself as a champion, and I also see you as champions, because each of you have your individual strength & merits that would make me believe "You are the champion".

All of us are the champions!

SMU Toastmasters Club is the best

I have visited a few Toastmasters clubs recently, and always, I have this feeling, SMU Toastmasters Club is the best!

Some clubs are not professional enough, in the way that, you don't feel comfortable;
Some clubs are stressful, because even the Humorous Speech couldn't make them laugh;
Some clubs are fun, but in the end of the day, you wonder, what are the things you can take home;

SMU Toastmasters club possesses everthing, that during every visit, I just want to invite people to my club, to see what a real Toastmasters meeting is! (I'm sorry to say that, but this is what I feel for now.)

And today, I learnt another abbreviation:

VPE = Vice President of Everything

This is what I heard from one Toastmasters Club president! Thanks for saying that!

Gossip

I have a bunch of gossip friends, and this post is for you!

Clarification 1: Nana is single but not available, because she is intending to remain single until graduation!

Clarification 2: Nana really cherishes friendship over anything else, therefore, she would choose friendship with CJ over anything else you guys are gossiping about!

Clarification 3: In the mean time when you are gossiping about Nana & CJ, She's not going to change just because of the gossip! She will remain as NANA! And "BE CAREFUL", you should know what this caution means!

Clarification 4: DO NOT publish any more gossip on Xiaonei! You should know that, the gossip among us are not to be published at that kind of place!

Clarification 5: DO NOT gossip when both CJ & Nana are present!

Please abide by all the rules above. Or you should be responsible for all the possible consequences. HAHA!

Leave

Last time, WL was talking with me on MSN, and she brought up a point:

"Maybe you could stay & observe, and eventually CJ would notice that, you are the one who is always there for him, supporting him."
"HAHA. Yes, I do support him, but I do the same for a lot of people! He is not the only one."

I happened to recall this message today, and was talking to myself, "One leaves; One will eventually leave if she is not around the right people, even though those people are her best friends for some time."

Often, I believe this notion "philanthropism", and I do act accordingly. I don't care about the personal achievements or loss, but love the people around me generously. I'm happy, and very easily to get happy.

However, when my times come, are there someone for me? Or i have to deceive myself that the people around me love me, and they care for me. Or even they do, do they care about me the extent as I do to them?

That's not even a question to mention. Maybe it's sad, but i believe in this: don't expect the same from others when you do something for them. And i act upon this.

I know that one day, when I'm tired, I can always leave. Just leave quietly, the way I have done many times, to the people who do not deserve this kindness.

Jokes

When jokes between friends have certain grounds, do they still remain pure jokes?

Or there is also some kind of humiliation?

Where do we draw the line?

And am I treating people the same way I'm treating myself?

And am i expecting more from people than from myself?

Am I a person with good characteristics? If i want to say yes, how should i prove that?

What's up?

Nana is so tired of this phrase now!

When she talked with her friend on MSN, with a "what's up?" as response, Nana felt sad immediately.
"Must need something urgent, then can talk to you meh?" Nana asked.
"HAHA, No, it's just an expression. You haven't been in Singapore long enough!"

Today, she called back home, and received the same response from her mom, "What's up?", without any enthusiasm.
Nana got angry immediately. "Nothing, if i don't have any reason, then i should not call back, right? If so, i'll just hang up now!"
After talking with her mum for a while, Nana's mum wanted to hand over the phone to her father, however, her father reluctantly accepted the phone, claiming that nothing to say.
Nana:"OK! I'm hanging up! Bye bye!"
Tears came out at that moment...

Since when, since when has the relationship become so vulnerable? Every time Nana calls back home, the conversation is always very simple. "What are you doing?" "Have you eaten?" "Are you still working?" "Make something delicious to eat."

When Nana says, "I got the exchange program to go to Perth." "Oh."
When Nana says, "I got the internship with Ernst & Young." "Oh."

Since when, since when, the conversation has become so meaningless? I know, i know that i'm always independent, and you are assured that I can live on my own, i can study without anyone monitoring.

So what? It still serves the purpose of recognising a "home" every time when i call back. And it just broke the little hope in my mind!

I hate that phrase! And I'm not calling back home for 1 month!

That "Yellow minute"

I went to Temasek Poly for the Toastmasters Chapter meeting yesterday, and I would never forget this experience.

With a dream to be an educator in the future, I always look at things from an educator's perspective. And for those teenagers, I feel that the education should be something specially designed for them.

Take the example of pause fillers. In Toastmasters, the Ah-counter counts the pause fillers such as em, er, ah ect for each speaker, reasons being that pause fillers harm the fluency of the speech, and can affect the credibility of the speakers if there are too many. In SMU Toastmasters, we have good examples of people who had over 100 pause fillers during a single meeting, and managed to overcome them in just a few meetings' time. In Temasek Poly, the members are still so young. Even though they are charged by 10cents per pause filler, they can't feel the "pain", and they keep saying the pause fillers. How to convey the message to them?

I remember an article posted on Nathaniel's blog, which was his president's opening address when he was serving as the President of Tampines Changkat Toastmasters Club. In that speech, he shared about his visions in life, and i feel that, that speech would be the right talk for Temasek Poly Toastmasters.

In Temasek Poly Toastmasters, the atmosphere is great; everyone laughs, everyone can relax throughout the whole chapter meeting. That's fantasic, which is something that not every Toastmasters club can achieve! In the mean time, points to ponder, how can they improve, how can they realise that they can be better speakers if they could put in more efforts?

All those teenagers are nice and extremly polite people; they are so young and so energtic. Yet, something is lacking, MOTIVATION & INSPIRATION! People are motivated to become better speakers when they really see someone who can motivate them; people are inspired to learn when they actually meet someone who can inspire them to learn the great things they are capable to learn as long as they are determined to do so.

As a project evaluator, I'm not that good enough to give an evaluation to inspire all of them, because English is not my first language, and sometimes, I still have difficulties organising my thoughts fluently. However, I'm trying to improve all the time; I'm putting my efforts to do a better job. Maybe, some day, I would be able to talk like John, like Nathaniel, like Gurion. And in Temasek Poly Toastmasters, those are the people they need. They need thos people to inspire them, to show them the great value of Toastmaters. They need to experience a really fun yet beneficial meeting, and they need to meet experienced and motivitional speakers! And then, they can learn that, Toastmasters is not only about fun, the fun in speeches, but also about knowledge, about education, about improvement!

Still, the memory about the yellow minute will last for a long time!

TME: Now, let's have the timer to read out the timing sequence.
Timer: At 8th minute, the green card will be shown;
(Disrupted by the audience, because he had some pause fillers, and the grammar was wrong in a way I couldn't really recall)
OK! At yellow minute...(BOOMZ! Laughters from the audience filled the room!)
And at 10th minute, you will get a red card.
(The language evaluator literally took the red card at the 10th minute! HAHA! Well done!)

Toastmasters

DTM Nathaniel says, "Toastmasters is an education";
DTM John Sih says, "Speech is not meant to impress; you impress because you express yourself well"

Great wisdom from those DTMs, Nana really admires them!

11/11

Nana has come to another 11/11, the so called "Guang Gun Jie" in Chinese. So what? She does enjoy the life right now, being single.

Nana was talking to a best friend called CJ, and she did enjoy the conversation with him, or say, almost every time. People don't need to be together to keep a good relationship, and friendship is the best thing ever on earth! Never try to do any stupid things that would possibly destroy it. This experience came from pain in the past, so don't doubt that.

Nana found that some people always feel complicated on this day. She doesn't know how to describle this feeling, even though she has gone through that before. Just remember, "Time will cure all your hurts".

Nana believes that people have different ways to enjoy life at different time phase, and at this point of time, just do any crazy things you want! Most importantly, enjoy your life by whatever means!

Difference

Nana misses her Nikon camera, yes, she really does! Nikon S600 is the best camera she has used ever, and she will never buy a camera phone instead of a camera itself! Her favourite GRA group picture is attached:

Nana found some difference between two of them. She is so generous on anything, the stationary, the food, the reading & practice materials, or even the money, she shares with him; to her surprise, she does not get the same thing back, because he emphasises on the "individual rights", which means that, you can't take things for granted, and if I share my things with you, you need to appreciate it. And it means that, I don't remember the things you shared with me before; we are at the same starting line now.

Nana realised that some people just have no idea about their position in other people's mind. Such as XX, who has offended me once, we just happened to be in the same class, nothing else! Don't think yourself as so important to me. We are just from the same country & have the same gender. Anything else that can bring us closer?

Finally, Nana wants to change back to her old phone! And she regrets for buying the phone on such an impulse! "冲动是魔鬼!" Don't you forget it again!

SHARP SHARP!

Nana bought a new phone! Sharp SH06A! One of the newest edition in the market! White color, that's so cool!

Nana only had the idea of getting a new phone last night, and got one today @3pm, which costs her $660! This girl is definitely crazy!

Nana is now playing with the phone, it's so complicated to a new user of Japanese phones. But once again, it's so cool, that Nana just wants to show it to everyone!

SHARP! SHARP! I love you!

Dinner

Nana got up @ 10am in the morning, but her day was totally ruined by a stupid article posted on someone's blog. However, facebook showed her a lucky percentage of 89%, which was very doubtful!

Nana decided to buy something and make a delicious dinner by herself. And here it goes!



It may not look nice, but it's really yummy! BTW, this is the first time I cook "gong bao ji ding"!

Still something funny for today:

Nana completed the relationship status last night, thinking that it might be good for people to know that she's single. HAHA. What she didn't know is that, there is a post on all her facebook friends' walls:

Nana is now single.

Nana opened facebook in the morning, and received a comment on her amendment of relationship status from Lucius,

"What happened?"

Nana: "Nothing, I was just completing my personal information."

After that, Nana felt so embarrassed so she changed her status to blank again, only found a new post shown on her homepage:

Nana is no longer single.

What the hell?! Facebook is certainly making people's life more colorful! And the person behind the veil is surely a master of English!

淡定

今天突然间对“淡定”两字有了重新的认识。

平日生活中的大喜大悲，是容易让人感到生活的各种滋味，让人体味到酸甜苦辣的不同味道，而这种大喜大悲的结果是什么呢？是阻止一个人成熟的过程。

我想变得更成熟，在变成熟的时候，我还想保持一颗容易happy的心，让我能够看到生活每一方面的美。我想变得不容易被别人影响，尤其是心情，不会被别人的一句话弄得一晚上不开心，不会被别人的一篇文章毁掉一天的心情。

突然感到，如果不被别人的消极所影响的话，最有效的方式就是转换focus，当你看一篇文章不高兴时，不要继续去想，不想去想如何跟他争论，而是即刻出门，去散会儿步；或许吧，散步是最好的心灵良药。

“宠辱不惊，看庭前花开花落；去留无意，望天空云卷云舒”，这句诗，是时候重新拾起了。

又是一年圣诞时

说好了，今天要给好朋友补上生日的，所以特意买了一个漂亮的水果蛋糕：



不知怎的，今天下午就是特别高兴，可能是潜意识里为自己庆祝朋友生日而高兴吧，于是一个劲的笑个不停，最终大家也有点受感染，project的紧张终于在最后化解了。

腾龙同学说，你怎么那么容易高兴呢？！真奇怪。于是，我又继续笑个不停。已经是第n个人这么说了：在国内时，从初中开始就有人这么说，一直到高中毕业；大学里，CJ说过同样的话，“你怎么那么容易高兴呢”；LW说,"You are always so smiley"；而真正懂我的还是Tiffany，她对我说“你太容易高兴、悲伤，这样的你很容易分辨不清别人的真正用意。在你找男朋友的时候，一定要让我帮你审一下，看看他到底是真心的，还是只想玩玩。”记得当时，为这话感动了一番。

去Orchard了，今年的圣诞好像来得特别早，就像北京的第一场雪一样，无声无息，街道也悄然间换上了新衣裳。每年的圣诞，街道的装饰都给我带来特别的惊喜，今年也不例外。圆圆的灯，如灯笼，又印证着万家灯火的诗意，再加上灯具下的吊饰，灯光在吊饰中上下穿梭，像流动的水光一样，又有一点像流星，让人如痴如醉，我真的想在这美丽的夜景中翩翩起舞，跳到灯光消逝的那一刻……

来新加坡，马上就要3年了，3年的圣诞灯火，3年的光阴，3年的友谊，又是一年圣诞时，而今年的圣诞，我却真的想许下一个愿望，希望它在我出国前能够实现，也为此，我选择在新加坡过春节，过完后，再去perth，为的是那一丝的希望……

Crazy day

Nana has to admit that she's crazy, because she has been mentally talking to herself for the whole day! To make things worse, she wants to write down all of them! Stop, Crazy Nana!

Nana has a groupmate called Qing Quan (清泉), which is a very elegant name if you could understand Chinese.
That day, another groupmate asked, "So QQ, why is your name QQ, meaning green water (青泉)?"
QQ:"No! It's the clear water!"

Nana has a best friend called Tiffany. Tiffany was having lunch with a non-SMU gentleman at Koufu, the foodcourt located at SMU Li Ka Shing Library basement.
The gentleman:"Finally I found the best place to eat! So many gorgerous ladies! SMU is definitely famous for the beautiful girls here!"
Tiffany:"Ah? Really? In what way are they gorgeous?"
The gentleman:"Yes, really! Just wear less lor!"

Influence starts

Nana stayed up late first time this semester until 4am this morning, only to read Gurion's blog, and was shocked with all the sentences starting with "Gurion";

Nana was greatly influenced by this young man, his master of English language, and somehow is following the same writing style, even though not as naughty as him;

Nana was inspired to write more English blogs from today onwards;

Nana doesn't have to go to school today, but got to take the IELTS tomorrow!

Nana marked the calendar for her mum's & friend's birthdays, but what she couldn't imagine is that she doesn't even check the calendar! Can't make up for her mum's birthday, since they don't even stay in the same country. Must make it up for her friend tomorrow, and she can eat birthday cake soon! :) giggle

学无止境

最近，突然间产生一种想要汲取知识的热切欲望，因而在图书馆借了几本好书来读，徜徉在书海中，享受着汲取知识的满足感与成就感，也找回了学生应有的学习状态。

前天，去Bukit Timah CC Toastmasters的Chapter meeting，遇到了一位叫Gurion的Language evaluator，很年轻，却精通英语，突然间激发了我学习英语的强烈欲望。或许这不是第一次产生这种感觉，感受到语言的强大魅力，以及真正掌握、熟练运用一门语言的必要性，但我确定，这次对我的震撼是最强烈的。

一位受人尊敬的DTM, 名叫Bruno,在短短的2分钟的即兴演讲中，用到了16次word of the evening, 他的演讲中充满了排比、押韵等句式，不仅说着顺口，更重要的是每一句话都传达了一条信息，而不是单纯的好听。

这些"语言大师"对语言的运用真的到了一种出神入化的地步了，请允许我用这几个大词来表达我的崇拜！同时，我也会继续努力学习英语！